28.6.11

Someday




First loves.
that's exactly what they are..
those are the ones that introduced you to everything,
made you love them, loved you back,
and also broke your heart.
But no matter how hurt you are,
you'll always love them, always..
And not only will you not notice it,
but deep down inside you will compare every other one.
And none of them will live you up..

Then after months of letting go..
when you finnaly think you are okay,
he'll call....or you'll hear "your" song..
or you'll visit the page that always you stalk for,
or see a picture...or something that reminds you,
of how much he meant to you,
and how much you really love him,
and realize you're not over him,
and maybe never will be.."

Yeah, hard. The first time you fall in love it changes your life and no matter how hard you try...
that feeling never goes away. Your first love is the hardest one to let go of. We always come back to our first love. This. This, what adults called puppy love, and what we thought was true love.
I think it, ah no, im trying not to think. I feel it.
Duh, the magic of first love is our ignorance that it can ever end, right EM?
Ehm, hey here some problem. Half of my heart says yes, the other halft says no. I like you, maybe love. But I'm scared in the fact that I must letting you go. Ah you already go. I'm scared to let go of my past and focus on the future. I'm scared to follow my heart, that tells me to leave you. I want to, I'm just tired of getting crying at night. That moment when you burst out crying alone in your room. And you realize that no one truly knows how unhappy you are. Bcs you don't want anyone to know. hm, I wonder i'll find someone that deserve to me. We would be good together. but, I will miss you eventhough I'm not with you. I will cry over the smallest but most important things. I will laugh at everything and nothing. I don't know if you know this, but you're the first person I truly loved...

Sometimes, I tired of this secret love, secret a$$hole adrime. Why none of those crushes made me forget the first love of my heart? Why can't I feel anything from anyone other than you? Ah shut up, you don't know how it feels to be me. So i choose the half that says no.

This body, isn't perfect. I don't walk with confidence. I get into fights with my parents and friends. Some nights I'd rather be my self than out partying. I cry..yeah i told you before, over the smallest things sometimes. There are days that I get through with forced smiles and fake laughs. Sometimes I try to convince myself that things are okay when they're not. I'm not ugly but I'm not beautiful. There are some nights that I cry myself to sleep. I constantly think I'm not good enough. I'm imperfect, but I'm perfectly me. And because I know I'm not skinny enough. I don't have a distorted body image. I'm simply not skinny enough. The number on the scale does not lie. Yeah, not pretty enough, not skinny enough, not smart enough, not talented enough. That's what's on my mind All day....every day. but..

THIN, THIN, THIN, THIN, THIN
BE THIN, VERY THIN
NOW STAY THIN
BE THINNER, THINNER
ALWAYS THINNER
YOU'RE NOT THIN ENOUGH
THIN, THIN, THIN
ALWAYS THIN


This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough.This is not enough. I'm sorry...

No body said it was easy. I hope someday you'll find all my quotes, all my words, and read them all. I hope you'll know, that they're about you.
you and me and
never us;
a complicated
series of
almost interaction.
and I hope that someday, I'll see you again, za.

"I was, but then I realized that I was holding on to something that didn't exist anymore. People change. The things we like and dislike change. And we can wish they wouldn't all day long, but that never works."




"But who knows, maybe one day we'll be perfect for each other"

No comments:

Post a Comment